Before We Get Buried

be mine
I won’t be yours
obey my words
do as you are told

I can’t remember the last time it really felt good
I only feel because they told me to live
love is free
I’m addicted to zeroes and ones
not aware of what I’ve done
I keep going on

those who wander to the west will end up where they’ve stared
why do I fear the things I wish for the most?
tell me…

so many years I’ve waited to hear these words
so many years in vain
I am a cheat, I am a lie
I am a fraud, I am despised
will you break my chains?

your words have freed me but I still lie in chains
when will my wanting ever come to an end?

it is their eyes; their Cheshire smiles
can’t see the sorrow behind their masks
we agree to consume but not to care
and then we lie awake unable to sleep
watch the exploitation of broken hearts

beg me to stop
it’s part of my game
give me your beauty
but don’t give me your name

winter has settled down and I have grown so cold
young on the outside but inside I am old
it bothers me that I don’t know where I’m supposed to sleep

my bed has fangs and claws

is true love just a word?
or is it a deal?
is it a business of bodies clashing like steel?

so many years I’ve waited to hear these words
so many years in vain
and as your voice resounded inside my head
I felt regret but stayed

fill your eyes with tears you can’t cry

misled we march into the void
with broken hearts and empty hands

God save us all

I hate and love you equally for what you said
to sustain silence at night
I can recall every word you said; this horrid sound
to keep virtue at light

all we do is blur and bend
make demands; no concessions
all we ever do is bow down to kings
with crowns nailed on their heads

how can we discern this is real?
how could we trade our names for numbers?
am I real?
they told me I’m an accident
dissolve the sutures
don’t let them tell you you’re worthless

how can you tell every snowflake looks alike?

have you examined them all?
have you counted them all?
you measure the stars but you don’t know the world at all
and you declare truth where all sense has gone
but your truth is wrong

a heart is no lung yet you need both to survive

so you threw these wise words into my face
as I struggled to put them into shape
we are so sick of your underestimations
you are nothing but a drama in four acts

and I will not rest
until I’ve found truth in this mess
of snowflakes dancing ‘round my head

grant me some rest
and wake me when it’s dark
seasons they change
but never does your heart

they told me of a home that lies an eternity away
it’s not where I was born
nor where I’ll ever be

and again I lie awake
hoping that tomorrow I will wake
into another world; another me
where I can rest under trees I’ve never seen
where I can be what I was supposed to be

but I am here; chained to this desert tree
where the marks on my back reveal the kind of my breed
my woeful breed

the first time I ran away
they burned a letter on my face
why is the world so black and white? (why are we still trying to survive)

another try turned out the same
yet there is no hope for me in staying
why are we still trying to survive?

if I had no chains I would not be here
I am not like them
I never wanted to be a slave

whisper to me; my ears are hopeless
the war I have fought over years
the nights are so cold here
don’t leave me alone dear
your voice seems so far away

your breath feels so cold tonight
won’t your warmth sing me to sleep?
I have become what I hate the most
because you did not answer me
and the nations of this God forsaken land
made me forget what I once called a home

and I started to think as they do
so I stepped out of line and I dug my own grave

until they’d beat me to death
and now you won’t recognize my face again
no grief, no tears, no rain
to underscore this sublime scene

time has taken its toll
you flew away and I am here alone
time has taken its toll
I am here but you are somehow gone

without a chance of saying goodbye

and now I’m seized with remorse
all the words I wish I had spoken
roam around like a ghost in my head
I don’t know you anymore

in silent times we weep at night
for all the words unsaid
the best of us is not enough
for prices to be paid

none of my tears will keep you here
I’m drowning in despair

with clenched hands I try to fight
something so outright

what is the point in living?
what is the point in dying?
what is the point…?

if it’s all for nothing
if it all comes crashing down at once
there must be hope
there must be something
I can’t believe it ends with letting go

I never told you so
but I love you more than you know
no – I can’t let you go

there is a time for living
there is a time for dying
but I can’t accept the slant
preached by faithless priests
if they merely live by chance
why do they weep for their dead?

I might walk alone from here on
but I’ll keep you inside my heart
I’ll do my best to make you proud
eternity means nothing without you

lost souls fly with cut wings (and I will pray for us)
children will come home (until we meet again)
those who wait for nothing (and we will rejoice)
are dead with vital signs (for the victory over death)

In this disorder I have lost my focus
I find myself within a civil war

where is this servant that I have heard of?
where is the man who claims to crush…?

monuments higher than the sky
knowledge older than the earth

for I decided to dwell in darkness
to avoid seeing all this ugliness
I trained myself in bitterness and cold emotions
and how to close my ears, my heart

when darkness comes piercing through
right through my lonesome heart

but it doesn’t work
although they said it would

I’ve heard you make dead hearts beat again
and it happens that my heart is weary and broken
I am not what I’m supposed to be, not what I reflect
I’ve heard you make deaf ears hear and mute mouths moan
I scream but no one’s listening

no one who reacts
no one who detects
no one who suspects me to truly feel this way
all words have gone astray

but you knew me all along
you put your hands on all my scars

and you told me that you still love me
I should have listened when you told me that my bane is that…

I am my own God
and I hate it
I am my own God
it makes me so sick

freedom is written on the walls of my pit
digging deeper to face the devil

after this night in France
I have come to understand
that all love this world offers is rooted in self-interest
and I’m so tired of this
show me how to live

in retrospection I now understand
why you were quiet when I was longing to be saved

in introspection I now understand
it always was me who was keeping me from life

in this disorder I have found my focus
it lies in you the one I once despised

you gave me hope
you saved my soul

we’re all the same
rotten to the core

go on go on
pursue your holy cause
and celebrate a so-called victory of love

but it’s the same crowd which condemned two innocent
merely for speaking enemy’s tongue

so tell me
where is the tolerance in that?

hypocrites
your love ends where your arguments start
unstoppable
you haven’t thought this through

don’t you see?
all systems we’ve had so far failed
and all future ones will
for they have something in common
something they all share

we are the end of the world
we are the sickness of it all

it is our heart that is sick
not our race; not our nation
we envy; we lust
but it will all come back to us

I dare not to speak of war
for I’m nothing better than what you are

but I beg you to open your eyes
unstoppable implies…

that you will stop others
so where do you draw the line?
why is it you who decides what’s right in life?

only a fool fears those who are peaceful
yet your pyres are burning bright

burn all the witches
burn all these phony priests
but why burn those who love you even though they disagree?
forgive me, I never meant to break your heart
but I reject a love which is conditional

if you silence those who speak their minds
you have become what you tried to fight